Summerville Beach

On a cool morning in late September a seagull stands at attention, welcoming the sunrise as it gradually illuminates the clouds which float like pink marshmallows beyond the surf breaking gently on the shore of Summerville Beach. The bird is snow white, like a dove, and like a sentry he stands guard over these waters. Spying a shrimp boat just off shore, he takes to flight.

Ryan struggles to acclimate himself to the cold water creeping slowly up from his feet, as he ventures straight out into the surf for a training swim. He and some buddies from his triathlon team meet at the beach every Sunday morning to do some open water swimming.

The waves were calm and gently rolling as he reached a depth about shoulder high, and then turned and squinted to peer through the mist to just be able to make out the outline of the shore. He pushed off from the sandy bottom, immersed his head beneath the water and took a stroke, then another, then tilted his body for an instant to take a breath, then back into the water. He quickly settled in to the strange rhythmic sensation of sound and then quiet and then sound again as he turned his head first under water, and then briefly out, and then back in again.

Buoyancy created by the salt water allowed him to effortlessly float up over the crest of the waves, and then down, and then back up again. The intricate motion of going forward, up and down, and then sideways at times was somewhat intoxicating. He went slowly at first, enjoying the sensation of weightlessness before getting in gear and hammering for a good half mile up toward the Red Cross station next to Summerville Pier.

Tired from the swim, he floated almost motionless toward the shore. Like a drunken sailor, dizzy from being horizontal for such a long time, he stumbled on a sea shell as he emerged from the surf and crashed clumsily onto the beach. He heard footsteps and then a women’s voice “You OK?”

He peered up from his position on his back to see a woman peering down at him. “Yea, I’m fine, just lost my balance for a minute”. He sat up and then felt the cold nose of a dog on the back of his neck. “Jack won’t hurt you, he just likes to play”. Ryan gathered himself, then stood up to take in a normal view of the scene.

He recognized her instantly, though she had changed so much over these many years. Like a wooden fence that had endured harsh winters, her skin was weathered by the years, yet her eyes were a dead giveaway. Those eyes were etched upon his subconscious like the outline of a tattoo that had been removed, but was not completely gone.

In a flash Ryan’s mind returned to a scene from his youth. He saw himself in a noisy high school cafeteria, and then there was a sudden silence as Lea Mendenhall gracefully strutted by, accompanied as always by a full entourage of everybody who was anybody at Summerville High School. He was her secret admirer alright, even to the point of being obsessed.

I have some water if you like, here take this”, as she handed him a plastic bottle of water. “No, really I’m fine, I was just a little dizzy from my swim. ” “I took your picture swimming, it’s a hobby of mine, would you like a copy? If you give me your e-mail I’ll send it to you, I have a pen in my car - just up this way.”

They strolled casually along the beach and exchanged small talk. He asked about her photography hobby and she about his swimming. He mentioned that he was preparing for a triathlon next weekend here at the beach, so he was getting in some swimming practice. She mentioned that it might be interesting to photograph the event and asked about the start time.

He felt comfortable strolling along the beach with her. Maybe it was the setting, what with the slap of the waves and the singing of gulls it is virtually impossible to be uptight at the beach, no matter whose presence you happen to be in.

In Ryan’s mind, this chance meeting could less likely be dismissed as providence but more likely to represent the culmination of the cosmic power of his desperate desire to find true love in his life. This was one of those rare moments when you turn a corner and recognize instantly that you are entering a path you have travelled down before.

“My name is Lea, by the way”, she mentioned as she wrote down his e-mail address. “Hi, I’m Ryan, you have been so kind, I hope you can make it to the triathlon next weekend, and thanks for the photo”. The Mercedes she drove did not go unnoticed by Ryan. By appearances, she had not strayed much from the social class he associated her with back in high school.

Later that night he spied her e-mail in his mailbox. “Hope you like the Pic, maybe I’ll see you next weekend” said the note below her attachment. The photo was somewhat flattering, highlighting the athletic physique of a fit man in his middle forties. He responded by thanking her and mentioning the start time of the event next Sunday morning.

Curiosity got the better of him, so he googled her name on the Internet. She had an entry on “ Linked” so he checked it out. Lea Mendendall, IT manager for ASI Systems, Inc. it said. Interesting that she still has the same last name, wonder if she is married? He found a hit on Facebook doing a simple search for her name in Summerville.

The Facebook site was not protected, so he casually browsed it to get a flavor of what her life must be like. He was surprised to see she was single, and he saw no mentioned of children. There were a few albums of pictures that were mostly of nature and cityscapes, and of course, plenty of pictures of Jack, the dog. He did a search on Twitter and to his surprise he found a copy of the picture she took of him that day, with the caption “Never know what will wash in with the surf on Summerville Beach”. Ryan wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but at least he was encouraged that he had made some kind of impression on her.

Ryan’s obsession with Lea slept quietly away in his subconscious, represented by a carnival that was once complete with colorful lights, screaming patrons on a roller coaster ride, and a musical carousel. The carnival in his mind was long-ago abandoned, the rides left to rust in the rain and the walkways now cracked and over run with weeds.

A cold wind blows as he enters the abandoned amusement park on a dark winter night. He runs desperately past the broken down rides, first in one direction and then another. He searches for a lever and stops dead in his tracks when he finds it. He takes a deep breath to steady his hand and slowly pulls on the lever, shaking in fear of what it may reveal. Suddenly, the carnival springs to life, complete with colorful lights, twirling rides and the screams of patrons. Ryan screams allowed as he awakens from this dream, his trembling body soaking wet. His carnival of passion was not dead, but merely lost in a deep slumber, which has now been awakened!

Ryan thought of her seemingly every moment of each day during the week. Like a bee’s nest that had been disturbed, thoughts of her scattered every which way across his consciousness. Mostly he was haunted by the memory of missed opportunities he had in his youth to connect with her. There were so many times he just couldn’t bring himself to pull the trigger and convey to her his feelings.

He still felt a twinge of pain when he remembered the day he saw her hand in hand with Richard Colley. That was the official end of the game for sure, as Ryan was no match for the varsity letterman who became her steady and remained so until graduation, after which time Ryan moved away and buried his memories of her away forever, or so he thought.

Ryan’s dedication to endurance sports resulted in his spending countless hours alone while training. He filled that time during the week thinking of her. It didn’t matter to him that she was only a  facsimile of the beautiful girl he remembered from his youth. She still represented the prize that was always just a little beyond his reach, the one that was meant for others more fortunate than he.

Ryan wasn’t a kid anymore. He was at that age when he realized that his potential was no longer limitless. He had been at best a survivor in a life long struggle to achieve a peaceful harmony between his limited abilities and limitless desires. And now it somehow seemed to have all started with a youthful obsession with a girl he barely even knew.

A capable young man fresh out of college, Ryan had no trouble attracting the wrong kind of woman. As he entered the working world, gone were the boyish looks and awkward mannerism of his youth. His new-found celebrity with the women created in him a false sense of invincibility that resulted in him always seeking a woman with better attributes than the one he happened to be with at the moment.

As he saw his friends marry and settle down to a civilized existence, he took little notice and spent most of his time chasing after skirts. He was living so much in the moment that he didn’t notice that life was moving on without him. Like a debtor he had mortgaged his future in favor of good times in the present, and his whole world came crashing down recently when he finally realized that living the high life left him with nothing meaningful as he approached middle age.

On a long training run, he imagined how different his life might have been if he had simply managed things better and had found a way to hook up with her at a young age. He envisioned a white wedding and a honeymoon trip to an exotic tropical island. He saw a millionaire’s family with two perfect children and a four bedroom house. He would spend his time gardening, rather than out here running alone at night in the cold rain.

His obsession grew at a compound rate as the week progressed. The many struggles in the war of love he had lost over the years created a cancer of despair in him that had metastasized, destroying his entire sense of self worth. Now fate has afforded him an opportunity to revisit the origin of his pattern of failure and this time he must surely get it right.

Ryan arrived early on Sunday, well before sun up. His body cast a long shadow against the light from the gas lantern he used to help with setting up his gear. The parking lot filled up quickly amidst the sounds of bicycle pumps popping, wrenches clanging and old friends getting re-acquainted.

He carefully surveyed each and every face he saw on his way to check-in, looking for her familiar eyes. As the sun rose he could see better, but in spite of his efforts there was no sign of her anywhere.

He strolled down by the beach and noticed the silhouette of a woman holding a large camera a hundred yards or so down the beach. Like a lion preparing to chase down its prey, he suddenly sprung into action. His heart began to pound viciously and his body started to sweat as he joggled purposely towards her.

As he approached her with her back to him, his pulse went into overdrive as she suddenly turned completely around to look at him just a few feet away. In a flash his heart skipped a beat and suddenly everything deflated as he realized is wasn’t her. He smiled awkwardly and casually continued on toward the start line, feeling relief as the tension left his body.

His eyes darted in all directions as a young boy played the national anthem on his trumpet, but there was still no sign of her. As a siren sounded and a handful of onlookers cheered, Ryan darted into the frigid water and dove head first into the first breaking wave.

He headed straight out, ever mindful to stay on track to arrive at a large buoy a good hundred yards from shore. He arrived at the buoy in short order, then turned north and enjoyed a good push from the current that took him a couple hundred more yards to the last buoy, and he then turned back towards the beach.

He could hear the cheers from onlookers getting louder as he approached the shore. He saw a couple of swimmers ahead of him stand up as they reached shallow water, so he reached down and felt the bottom which was now close enough that he could stand up and make his way upright to the shore. As he exited the water, his eyes darted in all directions, but again no sign of her.

Ryan wasted little time in transition and was soon hammering across cobble stones on his tri-bike, leaving several slower riders in his wake as he made his way out of the transition area and onto the bike course. As he tucked down into his aero position for the speed work ahead, his mind was more on Lea Mendenhall than the race.

She should have been here by now, he thought. He hadn’t counted on the possibility that she wouldn’t show, that wasn’t in his plans at all. He had pondered the possibility of defeat, but surely he must at least be given a chance to play the game. He was in no mood for pacing himself now, no mood for patience at all. He flicked his shift lever and found the smallest gear he had and hammered mercilessly ahead.

He began to reel in clusters of other riders ahead of him. Distracted by his unsettled mind, he was numb to the pain inflicted on his thighs which rotated like giant pistons, thrusting his bike ever faster down route A1A. He heard the muffled voice of the event MC through the sound system and realized he was just a very short distance from the transition area.

Ryan saw no one ahead of him as he approached the dismount area a good hundred yards ahead of him, and peered around to see no one was in site behind him. Perfect! He thought, she would be waiting at the line as he alone dismounted his bike, like a knight returning on his horse after a long day at battle. He would flick off his helmet and stand erect, allowing her to see him in his moment of triumph!

He slowed as the line approached, and as if in slow motion his eyes locked firmly onto ever person, big and small, that lined the entrance to the transition area, but still no sight of her. He paused briefly to take a drink from his water bottle as he prepared to leave transition for the run course, he did a complete one eighty, and she was still absolutely no where in site.

Ryan’s bike rack was practically empty, meaning that most of the other competitors were still out on the bike course. He spied just a few runners coming back from the half way turn, an indication that he was far ahead of schedule, as he was more used to finishing middle of the pack. He hardly noticed that his cardio system was in extreme overdrive, as his mind was distracted by the desperation he began to feel slowly creeping into his consciousness.

As he sprinted toward the finish line, he realized that his time was a full five minutes faster than he had ever finished before. Instead of being elated, his heart sunk as he realized he had won in his age group, but more importantly, he had lost the object of his desire, for she was not there to witness his victory.

What would under any other circumstance have been a joyous celebration, was on this day a shallow victory for Ryan, as he accepted his award and politely thanked his friends for their congratulations. As the volunteers were busy dismantling the racks and related event paraphernalia, and all but a few competitors remained, Ryan began to walk silently toward the parking area.

An SUV carrying a group of rowdy middle-aged men buzzed by Ryan and then skidded to a stop. The driver stuck his head out of the window and shouted “Ryan’s the man!" then said to him “Hey man, meet us at us at Corky’s tonight – got to celebrate, we’ll pick up some Cuban girls!”. Ryan managed a polite smile, then agreed to meet them later.

He racked his bike in the back of his truck, pulled a cold bottle of gator aid from the ice cooler and sat down on the tailgate. The event victory meant absolutely nothing to him at this moment. He had invested so much energy during the week preparing for his opportunity with Lea that the disappointment was almost unbearable. He struggled to rationalize it all, but it was of no use to even try, as the depression that now consumed him would no longer allow for a rational thought process.

He grabbed a clean towel from the back seat, changed into some surfing shorts and decided to take a walk down to the beach. He walked behind a couple that held the hand of their young child as he made his way down the wooden walkway to the water. At that moment, he wished he could trade places with them. He wished he was on his way to breakfast with his family, instead of searching for a solitary spot on this lonely beach.

He chose a spot and laid his towel down in the sand. He sat quietly and watched the seagulls glide gently over the calm seas. He just wanted to swim out, far out, out toward the continent of Africa. He wanted to surrender to his depression, he just wanted to swim far away.

Exhausted, he lay down and closed his eyes. In his mind he returned to the amusement park and slowly strolled past the carnival rides that were empty of patrons, but were still moving, illuminated by colorful lights . He walked straight to the lever he had pulled up earlier that week and grasped it firmly. Slowly, he pulled the lever down and watched as the lights flickered off and the rides slowly rotated to a complete stop. A cold north wind blew as he shuffled away quietly and so utterly alone into the dark night.

His guy friends, the trophy won that day, even the prospect of party girls later that night meant nothing to him now, as he sat up and gazed pensively out across the vast expanse of the ocean. He had mortgaged his future for sure, and at this point in time he felt totally bankrupt.

Again, his thoughts returned to Lea. She was all he wanted. In a twisted sort of way, he was convinced at this moment that he had spent his entire life searching for a woman like her. That is surely why he was never satisfied; she was the one for him and the others were just never quite good enough.

He stood and peered out over the waves, shinning brilliant blue against the sky. Just as he was about to run toward the surf he felt something wet on his leg and turned abruptly around. “Jack!, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you” said Lea as she corralled the dog.

“Hey” said Ryan “you missed the event, it’s all over.” Lea looked at Ryan, then looked down at the sand, then stood speechless for what seemed like an eternity.She motioned for him to stay silent, as if she was gathering her thoughts.

“I didn’t miss it, I’ve been here all along, hiding from you, I just couldn’t find enough courage to pull the trigger. I need to talk to you, Ryan. I know you won’t believe this, but we used to know each other, a long time ago.”

Seagulls glide gently on the crest of warm currents, soaring majestically over the breaking waves formed off  the shores of Africa, that find an end here to their arduous journey across the lonely sea. Here, somewhere between heaven and earth, where the water, earth and sky unite to form  a setting too beautiful to even describe, two lost soles rediscover one another on the sandy shores of Summerville Beach.